People often want to reach out when someone dies. They really do. But most of the time, they don’t know how. They don’t know what’s safe to say or if it will make you cry or if you’d rather not talk about it at all. So they wait. Or they stay quiet. And that silence can feel like another loss.
I’ve learned that one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves and for the people who love us is to give them clues. To gently show them what remembering looks like for us.
For me, it started with snails. Jess loved snails. She rescued them, drew them, talked about them like they were tiny misunderstood friends. The first time someone sent me a picture of a snail, it hit me right in the heart. I realized that sharing these small reminders was actually teaching my community how to love me through this.
Now friends send me snail photos, memes, stickers, even real shells they find on walks. Sometimes they tag me in a frog post or send a daisy picture too. It always makes me smile. It doesn’t hurt. It helps. It says, I remember her too.
That’s the thing about grief. The people who love us often want to help but they can’t read our minds. When we share the small things that remind us of our person, we give them a way to join us. A way to keep that connection alive.
It might be a smell, a song, a phrase, or a color. Maybe it’s a time of year or a kind of food. Maybe it’s something only you would think of, and that’s what makes it special. When you tell people, you teach them how to show up for you. You turn confusion into connection.
If you want to try this, you can start small. Post a photo of something that reminds you of your person and share a few words about why. Or tell a close friend, “When you see this, it reminds me of them.” Over time, you’ll notice how it changes the way people respond to you.
When they see that thing, they’ll think of you and your person. They might send a quick message, a photo, or just a heart. Each one is a tiny act of remembering.
And all those tiny acts add up to something beautiful.
We can’t fix grief, but we can build bridges through it. Every time someone reaches out, every time a snail shows up in my inbox, Jess is still moving through the world.
Maybe your person can too.
P.S. The Grief Heart can help with this too. When you wear it or share it, you’re letting people know that someone you love is missing from your world. It’s a quiet invitation for others to remember with you. If someone asks about it, tell them a story or share what the heart means to you. Over time, the symbol starts to do its own teaching. Over time, the symbol begins to do its own teaching. It quietly reminds people that love continues, that saying their name matters, and that talking about them helps.
Grief Heart Project 